Bidding Suicide
by ImmaStartARiot
Summary: You're holding tickets to your one man show, but I can tell you something you don't know...


"Pleeeease? Please please please?" I begged.

A tight-lipped Casey shook his head rigorously. "No way. I am not going to be auctioned off."

I sighed and leaned back on the counter. Marissa and I were in charge of a bachelor auction for charity to help raise money to buy gifts for orphaned children during the Christmas season. I was a sucker for the kids.

I was in charge of finding the bachelors and auctioning a date with them to rich old ladies who want to get their granddaughters dates. I was currently in the process of begging Casey and Billy to be bachelors.

"Please Casey? It's for such a good cause." First I had to get Casey to give in and agree and then it would be easier to con Billy into being a bachelor.

He ran a hand through his hair, whining, "Sammy, I don't want to go strut on a catwalk for women to poke and prod me as if I'm a slab of beef."

Beside him, Billy joked, "Moooo. I'll do it, Sammy. I don't really have a life ever since I discovered the lovely Tumblr." His eyes held a loving and obsessive gaze in them until Casey snapped his fingers in front of his face.

I grabbed Casey's hand and held it up so that his knuckles were pressed to my lips. "Oh, Casey, won't you do it for me? Please? Pretty please? As a personal favor? It'd make me really, really happy," I told him softly.

He looked away from my eyes and said, "This is really, really unfair."

I grinned widely at him and hugged him. "But it's for a really, really good cause..."

He whined, "I'm really, really gonna regret this."

Okay, so maybe I manipulated him a little bit, using his crush on me against him. I mean, I would _love _to date him, to call him mine. But I told him a long time ago, I wanted to focus on my job. I wanted to focus on the kids that were abandoned by their parents.

"You and Billy are gonna bring in a lot of money for charity. Thank you so much for doing this, Case."

He shrugged. "I'd do anything for you, Sams."

I flushed a deep red and stammered, "Er well, yes. I'd better get going. I need to get ready for the auction with Marissa and I'll leave you two to get all sexy and everything. Marissa and I will pick you guys up at eight." I left their apartment to go home and find Marissa sitting on the couch already dressed for the auction.

"Why are you ready when the auction doesn't start for another nine hours?"

She gave me a sickly sweet smile and answered sadistically, "Reasons."

I backed away slowly and then turned around to run into the bathroom to take a shower. My roommate is the single white female, okay? I think she wants to kill meeeee…

When I walked out of the bathroom in my robe, I was ambushed.

And by that, I mean _a burlap bag was tossed over my head and I was dragged. _I was pushed onto a chair and the burlap bag was removed from my head. I knew Marissa was behind my brief kidnapping and I glared up at her. "What the hell was that?"

She simply smiled and held up her zebra print curling iron.

I groaned, "Nooo, why are you doing this to me?"

"Because if it were left up to you, you would walk in there with your wet hair left like that."

"And there is nothing wrong with going au natural," I retorted.

"YOU WERE GOING TO WALK IN THERE NAKED?"

"MARISSA, I DID NOT SAY I WAS GOING TO WALK IN THERE NAKED, OKAY? I JUST MEANT THAT I DO NOT NEED TO PUT MY HAIR IN SOME FRILLY UPDO."

"But…what about Casey?" she tried asking as a last resort.

"What about him? I got him and Billy to be bachelors. And you know what I decided about that."

She rolled her eyes and said, "And it's kinda stupid, but I still wanna do your hair. Please? For me?"

I gave an indignant shriek, indicating I gave up. "Next you'll be wanting to do my make-up!"

"Oooh! I forgot about that! I'll be doing that too."

Facepalm moment.

"Get on with it, Marissa," I snapped.

"Someone's feisty today. Something wrong?" She started drying my hair while the curling iron was heating up. Last time she used that on me, she accidentally burned my scalp and I ran after her with a frozen leg of lamb. Ever since she read _Lamb to the Slaughter_, she's had this deathly fear of frozen legs of lamb.

"I do not trust you with the curling iron."

"Stop being such a big baby. You're upset about something."

I sighed and stayed silent when she turned on the hairdryer. When she finished drying my hair and picked up the curling iron, I cringed and started blabbering to take my mind off the imminent burning. "I'm basically using Casey. I manipulated him and he knew it. He had absolutely no problem with it. And I feel bad. He's such a good friend to me and I don't deserve him."

Marissa swooned dreamily. "That man is so hung up on you…you think you can get him to restock our supply of Ben & Jerry?"

"MARISSA, I AM HAVING BOY PROBLEMS. WE HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR FRIVOLOUS LOVE FOR ICE CREAM."

"Says Little Miss Cookie Monster."

"Me and cookies have a legitimate relationship, shut up."

She roughly pushed a bobby pin into my hair. "Meanwhile, you're very single and very alone because you don't want to get too close to Casey."

"I said I want to-"

"Focus on the kids. That's such bullshit and you know it. You're scared."

"I am not scared," I replied indignantly.

She looked at me in the mirror and gave me a sad look. "You're scared. Sammy, in the many years that I have known you, you have had _not one _relationship. Sammy, you're a grown woman and you have never had a date with anyone. You don't know how to flirt or get a date. And I don't mean this in a mean way because you know that I think you're awesome. You're smart and beautiful and funny and everything and I swear I'm not coming on to you or anything. But Casey really likes you and I think that you should give him a chance."

We didn't talk about it anymore after that. She finished putting my hair into this updo thingy which I must admit would look nice with my dress. "Hold on!" she exclaimed before running into her room and coming back with a purple Victoria's Secret bag.

No.

_No._

_**No.**_

_**NOOOOOOO.**_

_**IT'S THE DREADED **__**MAKEUP BAG OF DOOOOOOM**_

I get up to make a break for it, but she grabs the sleeve of my robe and pushes me back ontp the chair while I sob hysterically.

Haha no, but seriously I'm pissed.

She pouts and begs, "Just a little bit of eye makeup? I won't even make you wear lipstick! I'll let you wear Blistex!"

So I gave in. Because I love my Blistex.

She brought out the blasted eyeliner which I had hoped she would have run out of. "I swear by the Angel, Sammy, if you blink while I put this on, I will kill you."

"But it's not my fault! The brush feels weird and I feel like you'll poke my eye out!"

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DON'T TRUST ME NOT TO POKE YOU IN THE EYE AND POISON YOUR BLOODSTREAM."

"THIS ISN'T HELPING AT ALL, MARISSA."

I ended up blinking eight times while she attempted to put the eyeliner on. The only way she was able to get it on was by her _pulling on my flipping eyelid. _

_Like can you not?_

The mascara was easier, but I find it unimportant like…WHO CARES ABOUT LONG LASHES? What's the point? Who is going to come up and sing, _"I LIKE BIG LASHES AND I CANNOT LIE. YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY WHEN A GIRL WALKS BY WITH AN ITTY BITTY WAIST AND BIG LASHES IN YOUR FACE…"_

But even with the impossible eyeliner, I think I have the worst trust issues with eyeshadow.

It's just this weird feeling when Marissa puts it on. I feel like she's gonna push on my eyelids too hard and push my eyeballs into my head and then I'll be blind forever.

So I'm a bit paranoid.

Marissa squealed, "Sammy, you look so beautiful. I can't wait for Casey to get a look at you. I haven't even seen you in your dress yet!"

I glanced at the clock and yelled, "We're supposed to pick up the guys in ten minutes and I don't have my dress on yet!"

I flew into my room and tossed it on in ten seconds flat. I grabbed Marissa's wrist and dragged her outside, not leaving her time to even glance at my dress in the dark. Honestly, I really didn't want anyone to see me in the dress so I honked the horn of the car to signal Billy and Casey to come out.

Which I found a bit ironic.

Usually, when guys come in their cars to pick a girl up for their date and they honk the horns, the girl would then promptly beat the living shit outta him.

Casey sat in the seat right behind mine and whispered playfully into my ear, "I'd compliment you on how you look if I could see you."

I rolled my eyes, glad it was too dark for anyone to see me blush. "You'll have to wait until we get to the auction."

When we arrived and we all adjusted our eyes to the light, I tried to escape to the back room to organize all the bachelors, but Casey grabbed me by my elbow and took a long look at me. My dress was a bit…interesting. It was a few shades of brown and silver and very long. Like it reached the floor. And it was an off the shoulder type of dress. It was very snug around the waist and then it got a little poofy as it got longer.

But I liked it.

And it seemed that Casey like it as well by the way his eyes widened.

"You look beautiful."

I grabbed his wrist, choosing to ignore that comment, and dragged him to the table where the numbers were kept. I clipped the number 13 to his shirt and smiled up at him. "Thanks again for doing this for me, Casey. So go walk around and mingle before the auction starts. Let the ladies know what's on the market before they go nuts for you," I teased.

He nodded slowly before kissing the top of my head and going off to find Billy while I went to go find Marissa. All she did was look at me curiously. "Are you sure you won't have a problem with all these women about to bid on Casey?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's an auction that I had to beg him to do. I'll be fine. And they're not even getting married, it's just a date. Meanwhile, are you sure you won't have a problem with Billy being auctioned?"

She gave me a sinister smile. "I have that all taken care of. Hm. Casey's in the corner all alone. Why don't you go keep him company?"

Casey really was in the corner, but he was with Billy so technically he wasn't alone. I went over to join them nonetheless.

"I see someone's not quite the social butterfly tonight."

He smiled and said, "Well, you're all I need for company."

Billy piped up with, "What about me? Three's company!"

Casey was about to make a snarky comment when a woman stopped next to Casey and said, "Mm. Number 12. I'll remember that." Her hand disappeared behind Casey and he jumped suddenly right before she moved on.

He snapped, "I'll remember that. See that? That woman pinched me like a ripe tomato."

I scrunched my mouth to one side. Maybe I could kill her…

Billy told him, "At least she noticed you. I feel like I'm back in high school. Nobody wants me. I'm going to be totally humiliated. I'll probably get a zit."

I ruffled Billy's hair playfully while Marissa's cousin strutted over with her sight set on Casey.

"Hi, I'm Crystal. Are you one of our bachelors?"

"Hi. Yes, I am. Tomato number 13."

Crystal laughed and playfully shoved my shoulder. "He's such a stich! You know how to pick 'em, don't you?"

I gave her the fakest smile I could muster and said, "Yes well, I think it's time for the auction. Casey, Billy, you guys need to get onto the stage with the others."

I had to auction off eleven guys before I got to Billy. I wasn't sure what Marissa meant when she said she had everything taken care of. I didn't think she would bid on him…and she didn't.

I was finishing up on auctioning off number 11, who just so happened to be Danny.

"Sold for $300. Congratulations. Who would have guessed that something, this wonderful would happen to you on your first day of parole. Just kidding."

Sorta.

"And now, ladies, feast your eyes on bachelor number 11. For an evening of dinner and dancing at Luigi's two weeks from now, Mr. Billy Pratt. The bidding starts at $100. I have 100. Do I have 150? One-fifty. Do I see 200? Two hundred? Two hundred dollars? Ladies, I don't think you understand what we have here. This man is a comic, he does impressions. You buy him; you buy a date with anyone your fantasies desire. Tom Selleck. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sylvester Stallone. Two hundred dollars, 200. Do I have 250? Two-fifty. Do I see 300? Three hundred? Three hundred. Three hundred dollars, going once, going twice. Sold for 300 to the woman with the bird on her hat."

The woman in the back with the fake bird on her large sunhat who won Billy was quite old and I would have felt bad for him if I didn't know who she was. I gave Billy a warm smile and he raised an eyebrow at me.

Billy gave the woman his signature, goofy, Billy smile. "So I guess you're my date."

She shook her head. "No, sweetheart. You're a gift for my granddaughter."

Marissa walked up to her and kissed Billy's cheek. "Thanks Grandma."

Billy whistled and said, "Yeah, thanks Grandma."

They went to go sit together at a table while I continued the bidding. "Okay, it's time now for bachelor number 13, Mr. Casey Acosta. Come on, Casey. Casey is an up-and-coming advertising jingle writer, he's a musician—"

_Crystal _interrupted snidely with, "Would you just get on with the bidding?"

I glared at her and continued. "Right. Do I have $100?"

Every woman in the room raised their flags.

"Stupid question. Two hundred?"

Again, they all waved their bidding flags frantically. I motioned for Marissa to come up onto the stage and continue for me.

"Three hundred?" she asked.

Before anyone could wave their flags, Crystal stood up and said smugly, "I bid one _thousand _dollars."

Marissa gave her cousin an _Oh No You Didn't _look and asked Casey, "What do you think of that?"

"A thousand dollars for a night with me? No pressure there."

Marissa sighed out, "A thousand dollars, going once…"

Ugh, Crystal? Really? That stupid, blond, bimbo…

"…going twice—"

"Eleven hundred!" Eleven hundred? What did I just do?

"Eleven hundred?" Casey voiced, surprised.

"Twelve hundred." Crystal countered.

Gah! "Thirteen hundred."

She glared at me. "_Fourteen_ hundred."

No way was I about to let myself lose Casey to _her. _"Seventeen hundred dollars."

Crystal sneered, "Take him. I could never explain eighteen hundred dollars to my husband."

Marissa smiled triumphantly and announced, "Sold to Samantha Keyes for seventeen hundred dollars."

_**I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW…DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANYONE AROUND…I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW…THE BEATING OF OUR HEARTS IS THE ONLY SOUND**_

I avoided Casey's gaze the whole way to their apartment where we found Warren on the couch watching Tiffany: Live in Tokyo. "Yo, Luna wanted to come visit you, Casey."

Luna was Casey's ten year old niece. Such a sweet girl even though Heather couldn't stand to be in the same room as her because of the memories of her lost childhood. Warren nodded at Casey and Billy. "You guys get sold?"

Casey gave him a wide grin. "Sammy paid seventeen hundred dollars for me."

Warren's eyes grew wide and he looked at me, asking, "What are you, nuts?"

"That's what I said," Billy joked.

Warren groaned, "Shut up, Billy. Case, Luna is upstairs crying that her 'boyfriend' broke up with her because she wasn't as pretty as some girl in class."

"Well then. Some little kid is going to be-"

"Casey!" I shouted. "Child advocate here! Don't say anything that I'll have to testify to in court."

He went upstairs with Billy to go talk to Luna while I plopped down on the couch to watch Tiffany with Warren.

"You paid 1700 bucks for Casey, huh? I don't know if you're aware of this but you could have had him for free."

I punched his shoulder.

Then I went upstairs because those boys did not know how to comfort a child.

And they were trying to shout comforting words to her through the bathroom door.

I sighed and pulled them away by their ears. "Go downstairs and make us some sandwiches. She'll be down in a little while."

I figured she wouldn't unlock the door so I grabbed a bobby pin from my hair to pick the lock. Well there's the advantage to letting Marissa do my hair.

Luna was curled up in the corner with tears streaming down her face. She looked up at me and said in a broken voice, "You're lucky you're so pretty. I bet all the boys like you and wanna be boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Just like Casey does."

I sat down next to her and tried to flatten out my dress. "But you're very pretty. You're beautiful. But that doesn't really matter because eventually we're all gonna look all old and wrinkly like your grandpa."

She smiled a bit at that so I continued. "You'll have lots of boyfriends. And some will break your heart and if I'm not mistaken, you'll probably break a few hearts yourself. It'll be great. And then someday when you least expect it, you'll meet that one special guy. and before you know it, you'll be paying seventeen hundred dollars to go out on a date with him."

"I…don't understand."

"Neither do I. But do you feel better?"

She smiled slightly and nodded.

I went downstairs to the kitchen to find Casey…and the cookies. He was waiting at the bottom of the staircase holding a cookie and a cup of hot chocolate and handed it to me.

"Thanks. Casey, can we talk?"

He nodded and sat down on the counter. "I know. Look, I'm not gonna hold you to this date thing. I mean, I know I've asked you out a few times, actually several times and you've made it clear your career comes first and you just wanna be friends—"

"Casey, I know—"

"I know what happened. The excitement, everybody bidding and you had money—"

"Casey—To be honest… Tonight, when Crystal was about to win that date with you something happened to me. I was..."

He gave me a sexy little smirk. "A little jealous?"

"I wanted to claw her eyes out."

He put a hand to his chest dramatically. "Really?"

"Case, I know what I said before, but I think maybe now we should go out. I mean, who knows, maybe this could turn into something. Or maybe it won't or maybe it already has, or maybe you should just shut me up."

He nodded and pulled me closer to him by my waist. He placed a careful hand behind my head and pulled my face closer to his. Now keep in mind, I have never been in a relationship so that would mean that I have never _really _kissed anyone. So the feeling of his warm and soft lips moving against mine was really the most pleasurable thing I have experienced. Yet.

He pulled away a little to let me catch my breath while he peppered kisses along my jaw. Billy walked in with Luna on his shoulders with both of them smiling. They started singing, "DON'T THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW…" to the tune of Tiffany's Don't Think We're Alone Now.

Casey ignored them and continued kissing along my jaw, up my neck, and across my face. This was so worth the seventeen hundred dollars.

Sorta.

**A/N: Okay so first of all, this was based mainly on something else. I even used most of the lines word for word because well guys, you can't mess with a classic. And I really liked it so I made a Cammy version of it.**

**And I would hope that you guys know what I'm talking about because the first person to review what this is based on can decide what I update right after Kicking and Screaming. OH AND GUYS THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE WHAT SAMMYS DRESS LOOKED LIKE YOU CAN FIND THE LINK TO THAT ON MY PROFILE OKAY.**

**I have links to two Sammy Keyes tumblr blogs on my profile too cuz yknow I get bored.**

**Bye guys I loves you**

**~NYD (ImmaStartARiot)**


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